For you alone my soul waits in silence;
from the Beloved comes my salvation.
Enfolding me with strength and steadfast love,
my faith shall remain firm.
Yet, how long will fear rule my life,
holding me in its grip like a trembling child,
a dark and lonely grave?
Fear keeps me from living fully, from sharing my gifts;
it takes pleasure in imprisoning my soul.
Fear pretends to comfort, so long as it has dwelled within me;
truly, it is my enemy…
…Once you have spoken, twice I have heard:
our potential gifts belong to You; to You
O beloved, belongs our faithful love.
For you render to us all that we offer to You,
fear begets fear,
love begets love.
For you alone my soul waits in silence;
from the Beloved comes life,
love and light.
Excerpts from Psalm 62, Psalms for Praying (Nan Merril) – read by Sue Whittaker
Marriage
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
Excerpt from Marriage – Chapter III by Kahlil Gibran, read by Jonathan Wood.
The Value of a Friend
9 Two are better than one,
Because they have a good reward for their labour.
10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up.
11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;
But how can one be warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes Chapter 4: 9-12, New KJRV, read by Scott Metcalfe
Love
4Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; 5love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; 6love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. 7Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.
8Love is eternal…. 13Meanwhile these three remain: faith, hope, and love; and the greatest of these is love.
I Corinthians 13: 4-8a, 13, Good News Bible, read by Scott Metcalfe
Marty and Andrews' Vows
Marty, you complete my life and I love you. Your sense of fun, deep care for those around you and friendship has captured my heart at a time when I thought such a thing was no longer possible. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I will work to be present for you, to be loyal, not to hold onto any grudges or gripes, but find ways to resolve differences… and let go of the rest. I will look out for you, share life’s daily loads… and make time to have fun! I will always hold you in God’s presence with love.
Andrew, you are a gift to me and I love you. Your calm stability, loyalty to all those you know and love and deep wisdom have captured my heart.
I am so grateful that our lives have come together despite the odds, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
I will work to be present for you, to be your biggest ally and number one fan! I will endeavour to build you up and strengthen your many giftings. I will encourage you to dream new dreams and help you to pursue them. I will both respect our individuality and work hard to strengthen our togetherness. I will hold you before the universe as a loved child of God.
God of all times and seasons, in your strength we make new beginnings. As you open the future to Andrew and Marty, may they know your blessing; go with them in all their living and loving; enable them to be a source of joy and blessing to each other and to all whom their lives touch.
May the mystery of God enfold you,
may the wisdom of God uphold you,
may the fragrance of God be around you,
may the brightness of God surround you,
may the wonder of God renew you,
may the loving of God flow through you,
may the peace of God deeply move you,
may the moving of God bring you peace.
(Joy Cowley)
The Lord bless you and keep you.
The Lord make his face to shine upon you
and be gracious unto you.
The Lord lift up the light of his countenance upon you
and give you peace.
Speeches at Maggies Cafe
Andrew:
Marty:
We are so grateful for all of you being here with us today. Thanks especially to those of you who have travelled from out of town especially. We’d also like to acknowledge the Lan Yaun Gardens who were so easy to deal with and Maggies Café whom we love and is our regular Saturday haunt. A special thanks to Gillian for her superb skills at getting us hitched! She too has been amazing to work with in the lead up to today. Interestingly, the flowers that are on your tables were purchased from one of the sellers at the Farmers Market. Andrew went to get them from the farm yesterday only to discover that it’s the same business (Holy Cow) where he buys his milk, and who’s signage was the backdrop for one of our first photos taken together!
HOLY COW indeed! Who would have imagined?
How many of you have had the experience of buying a new fridge?
Early on while still dating long distance I had the joy of observing Andrew’s fridge-buying skills!
He identified the need for a new fridge (perhaps with a new vegan boyfriend possibly about to move in?) narrowed it down to two fridges fast, and put the choices to me in Auckland for what I thought. I gave feedback and within a few moments he had purchased it! WOW, I thought, he doesn't muck around!
Andrew also can be quite an early adopter on new things. He, for example, has had 3 different e-bikes already - and started using them when most of us didn’t know they were even a thing!
I, on the other hand, can take quite some time to make a decision on most things and also can take a while to groove into something new. So it may come as no surprise that Andrew decided he wanted me as his partner, pretty much with the same velocity he had of buying a fridge!
For me however I needed more time to decide and to adopt! Fr Richard Rohr is an amazingly wise sage, a Franciscan priest in New Mexico where he heads the Center for Action and Contemplation. I have really learnt a lot from his insights throughout the years. He says that:
“We do not think ourselves into new ways of living, we live ourselves into new ways of thinking.”
And so I took that approach and was able to “Try before I buy” with Andrew! This is of course was VERY different to how I was raised and what is still somewhat ingrained in me as the “right”way!! (On that note, I love the fact that we were married in the Chinese Garden, as my maternal grandfather was born and raised in China, so a little nod to him, although I suspect he may be turning in his grave today!!)
Acceptance of who I am in the context of the faith that I hold, goodbyes to past love, hellos to a new one, sadness and joy! Moving countries, jobs, cities. These have all been in the mix of the last few years of my incredible roller-coaster existence. The biggest joy of course has been how Mr Metcalfe came into my life! Thank the good lord Tinder, Grinder, Bumble were not required!! I want to acknowledge Ri Weal and Mathew Croucher, both not here today, in their inadvertent parts in bringing us together.
Thanks also to each of you in your own BIG and small ways- smiles, hugs, words, listening ears and shared tears – your love and support for ME as life evolved and turned. A special thanks to my sister Nicky and her husband Matt who have been my biggest source of support, and along with their kids have shown me much love and care.
As you will know, the gay community uses the word Pride a lot. I used to wonder why.
Although it can seem to be all about being “loud and proud” and strutting your stuff out there for all to see, it has much deeper roots than that. Pride is the opposite of shame and shame is such a common theme for many in the gay community. For so much of human history shame has ruled. Fear and shame. But LOVE wins where it is allowed to. And I’m so grateful that you are part of that and that we have been able to celebrate this love with you all today!
Finally, Andrew: thanks for your superb transferable fridge buying skills! For loving me, warts and all!! I’m so looking forward to whatever time we have left on this planet together and loving you for the wonderful, caring, wise, loyal man that you are!
I am super PROUD of you and us and now very PROUD to be your husband!
Andrew:
Vows and declarations on an occasion like this say it all really. I never thought I would be doing something like this today, but am so pleased and proud to have Marty with me… in a much more official way!
You may have noticed a few references to love and fear today. At any major junctures of life, this keeps coming back to me. Love is so important and is all that really matters in the face of so much that tries to frighten and dismay. And love is something that needs to be chosen day by day and hour by hour.
For any who have experienced me sermonizing in the past, you may have heard me speak about a pivotal moment in my life when I was finishing theological training in the mid-1980s. We were doing a class that was exploring some of the riches of Christian spirituality, and the leader of the group I was in took us through a guided meditation that had us imaging God… as a tree.
As the session went on, we were asked how we wanted to respond to the tree… and I realized there were only two options: let is smother me, or to cut it down. In quite a bit of distress, I decided it was either me or the tree… and I got a metaphorical axe and started to attack it. Eventually, with a shudder and a huge crash, the tree came down. Huge columns of dust and debris came flying up… and I was all alone. I thought “This is it… I’ve killed God. I have no more faith now. It’s finished”.
On reflecting afterwards, I realized my view of God was one of fear and “not being good enough”. I also saw part of this being related to messages I and others gave to me about sexuality: being gay in many Christian circles is still not OK.
But, as the dust settled, and I began to feel the sun and hear the birds… it dawned on me, that this terrible tree wasn’t God. It was what others and I had portrayed God to be: the real God was there all along, waiting to break through when fear was banished and love allowed to shine through.
That’s what today is about today for both of us… but especially me. It’s about love, and how love must always win. Why would any of us want it any other way?
