Remembering Jennifer Jane Metcalfe

Our sister Jenny died on 18 October 2012, aged 47.

Born in Auckland in 1965, she lived most of her life in Dunedin and, despite the very different expectations for children with intellectual disabilities when she was born, became very much part of the life of her family and the wider community around her.

Jenny was sociable, affectionate and determined, with a wonderful sense of humour and a great love of people, music and singing. Her Christian faith was a simple but important part of her life. She was also an accomplished Special Olympics gymnast, representing New Zealand at the 1991 International Special Olympics in Minneapolis–St Paul, where she won two gold and two silver medals.

In her later years Jenny’s health declined with the early onset of dementia and increasingly frequent seizures, but that is not how I chiefly remember her. I remember her warmth, her mischievous humour, her determination, her enjoyment of life and, perhaps above all, the uncomplicated way she welcomed and accepted people.

At Jenny’s funeral on 24 October 2012, my brothers and I gave the following family tribute. Reading it again all these years later, it still captures something of the sister we knew and loved.

Family Tribute

When we three brothers of Jenny were sorting through her Father’s belongings around the time of his funeral just over two weeks ago, we discovered a bound edition of old church newsletters from Glen Eden Baptist where he was minister from 1960 to 1965. The page was dated around March 1965 and told the congregation that tragically Jenny had been born a “mental defective” and would not be able to join her brothers Scott and Andrew at the Manse, but instead would require institutional care. Our uncle, Hugh Densom, was superintendent at Kingseat Hospital in Auckland, and plans were made to provide for her there. Scott and Andrew can recall Jenny being with us from her birth, and my mother says that they brought her back after a friend said to her “why don’t you take Jenny home with you and see how it goes?” None of the experts had suggested that, but our parents thought “let’s try it”.

From day one they were determined that Jenny was going to be an ordinary member of the family and that she was not going to be treated any differently to the rest of us. Our mother spent many hours working with Jenny on the basics of walking and talking… the former one being very successful when Jenny used her new ambulatory skills to great effect in numerous escape attempts. In Miramar she would often be brought back by people who knew her and had seen her heading up the road at great speed. In the end, Jenny-proof locks had to be installed to curtail these unwanted pilgrimages.

As children we would take Jenny with us in our excursions to the local playground, often having to deal with the taunts of other kinds when they sussed out there was something “different” about her. We were her fierce protectors and determined that she would find and have a place in her world just like anyone else. It often took at lot of encouragement as Jenny was not keen on water, unpredictable dogs and walking up steps or on escalators! Jenny was closer in age to Greg and family photos often show them playing together and taking care of each other.

Jenny certainly did make her own place in the world and was able to bring a ray of sunshine to everyone that she met in her 47 years on earth. She was a really beautiful person – early pictures of her show how pretty she was, but her beauty ran much deeper than this. Hers was a quiet, gentle loyalty with a glint in her eye at times. She loved her wider family and friends passionately and was always pleased to see them. Her closest family member was probably her mother Alison, who Jenny lived with for over 44 years and who continued to encourage her to stay active mentally and physically. She also really loved her dad and nothing pleased her more than her trips to Wellington to see him and his family there. There were no family favourites for Jenny – she would always greet every one of us with joy and enthusiasm.

Andrew can recall in 2007 when Jenny spent around 3 weeks with him in Scotland. It was then he noticed that she was not as sharp as she was and was becoming less sure of foot, similar to how she was as a child. But we have video footage of her trotting along a wooded path somewhere in the depth of Perthshire in the gentle rain and bursting into song “I’m singing in the rain, singing in the rain, what a wonderful feeling I’m hap, hap, happy again!” Also, one of the tour stops involved staying a night in a real life “castle” tower (operating as a bed and breakfast) where Jenny loved the secret passages and hidden doors that made it feel very atmospheric. Coming up the stairs not long after they had settled in Andrew heard a strange eerie wailing noise… like someone in terrible distress. As he raced up to see what was going on – it was only Jenny, deciding that she would make a ghostly noise as appropriate for the setting – after all, this castle was bound to be haunted!

In the holiday record of this trip, Andrew wrote the following comments about Jenny at large:

·  If given a choice, always ask for the double bed

·  Always make the bed before I leave

·  Never say no to a sweet or dessert, even if I am full

·  Always have a nap in the car on the way, even if Andrew is trying to get me to look at something interesting

·  Take at least 15 minutes for a toilet stop—it’s good for Andrew to wait

·  Turn off every light when you leave, even if it’s a public loo and others are in darkness

·  Always say “yes” to doing something more and going further—even in the pouring rain!

·  Always smile for the camera

·  Keep saying how much I’m enjoying my holiday

That about sums up Jenny: she was clever. she always pulled her weight, loved to sing, was happy and appreciative, loved her food… and would always make sure she got whatever treat was going! From the beginning Jenny gave so much. She was warm, kind, made friends and she accepted everyone without favour or condition. Jenny made the world a warmer place, and we will miss her kindness, her determination, her strength and her love. 

Jenny embodied the words of Christ to his disciples when he said “unless you can become like one of these (children) you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven”. Or, in the words of Jenny’s favourite hymn, patiently taught to her by our parents (and performed by her at the end of the main video above): “little ones to him belong, they are weak, but he is strong”. 

Jenny is at rest, and safe in the arms of Jesus.

Andrew Metcalfe, 24^th October 2012